Windsor, Ontario
One of the places helped by Bill Gates, because it is one of the worst places in the world. Windsor, Ontario is the gateway to hell and is single handedly responsible for the "Global Warming Crisis." Windsorites like to say they're Canadian while the rest of Canada likes to pretend they're American. There is nothing interesting about Windsor. Windsor is awful and boring. Windsor has 400 bars and lots of legal hookers and strippers that do the FULL Monty. Also to be noted are the many "rub-n-tugs" in the downtown area. Those who come to Windsor are looking to get drunk, contract syphilis, smoke a doobie, and go broke in the montrously tacky giant white Casino Windsor (no smoking in the facilities). Thanks to the automotive industry and whatever Detroiters do on ZUG ISLAND, Windsor has the highest cancer rate (in every kind of cancer-I am not joking) per capita in all of North America. It smells like the inside of a dead liberal hookers mouth and has more Middle Eastern people per capita than any city in Canada. It also borders Detroit. Coincidence? Windsor, Ontario is home to many liberals and Union workers, and has one of the highest unemployment rates in Ontario! It is slowly disappearing into a black hole, and also being invaded by bears. Windsor History Windsor Today Nothing is happening in Windsor today. Nothing happened yesterday, and nothing will happen tomorrow. If it were a weekend, that gives the countless unemployed people an excuse to not send out fake resumes to non existent companies so they can maintain their unemployment insurance. Business at Walker distillery triples on days like today. City council will bicker at one another and make a decision that will enact a mandate that they no longer have to make decisions. The author realizes that this is already the normal operating procedure for City Council, but they may as well put it on paper. The streets will be full of drunk 19 year old Americans who can't hold their booze down to save their life. They will drink all day, all night, and fill the main strip with vomit and anything else that they can un-digest from their alcohol soaked stomachs. This process is repeated daily, all year, and it's this authors opinion that this is one of the reasons Windsor has it's famous smell (read "Windsor smells like a Dead Liberal Hookers Mouth"). Popular Ethnic Neighborhoods In Windsor More than 20% of Winsdor's population if made up of people who were born overseas. Windsor's Little Italy district is very popular. It is called Erie Street and has many fancy restaurants and coffee houses. If you aren't Italian you must not venture into this territory or you will be ostracized and maybe even glared at because the mob will not tolerate your presence. Also there is a very large middle eastern population in Windsor. They extend to anywhere in the city that the transit system offers its services. They are all cab drivers. A sector of them even erected a billboard that had pictures of five Hezbollah leaders on it. They said that while they did not support Hezbollah, their relatives were fighting over in their home countries and they were supporting THEM. The Canadian government has condemned Hezbollah but in Canada foreigners can do whatever they please without fear of recrimination. Canadians love being walked all over by smelly foreign immigrants who hate Canadian customs, language, religion, and laws. Windsor Landmarks The giant eyesore Casino Windsor is a travel destination for many portly midwestern buffet loving types. They can be seen seated at the slot machines, their plastic tubs of casino tokens clutched in their sweaty meat fists, and their bulbous layers of pudge descending towards the floor over their stools like mutant muffin tops. Also the riverfront of Windsor is lovely thanks to Windsor Parks and Recreation. It overlooks the skyline of downtown Detroit as well as the heinous turqoise Ambassador Bridge. That's all folks. Famous People From Windsor Famous NHL players from Windsor include: Aaron Ward, Bob Boughner, Sean Burke, Ken Daneyko, Andy Delmore, Tie Domi, John Ferguson SR., Dan Jancevski, Ed Jovanovski, Tim Kerr, Steve Moore, Bob Probert, Joel Quenneville, Jimmy Skinner, John Tucker, Kyle Wellwood, Ron Wilson Entertainment: Garth Hudson, organist and keyboardist for Canadian rock n roll group The Band. Jeff Burrows, drummer of The Tea Party (Tea Party sucks) Stuart Chatwood, bass player of The Tea Party/composer Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Tea Party sucks) Colm Feore, actor Jeff Martin, former guitarist and lead vocalist of The Tea Party (Tea Party sucks) Terry Pickford, award-winning Hollywood producer/editor Oliver Platt, television and film actor AND THE FABULOUS Shania Twain, singer A Typical Day In Windsor A typical day in Windsor for the Union worker involves dragging your rear end out of bed (shift work is rough at $32 an hour plus benefits) because your muscles have atrophied from gross underuse. You then drive into work after going through the Tim Horton's drive thru for your extra large triple triple. On the way into work you meet fellow union workers dragging their feet lazily up the walk as if to the execution block. You punch in, find your spot on the line and push a button or pull seat covers on for eight hours, all the while whining about the cancer you've contracted from asbestos exposure and how you haven't received a raise in three years because the company cares more about cuts than its workers. If you aren't a union worker, you probably were one and have lost your job because of cut backs. You are now on unemployment because you can't find a job that pays anything more than minimum wage because you started working in a factory straight out of highschool and have no education so you cannot even work at a gas station where a college certificate is mandatory. You spend your day sleeping, drinking and smoking and when you bother to get up or answer your phone you complain about the union and about a fair wage and all the hard work you used to do and how "this town in going down like Flint, Michigan." Strange Laws in Windsor You are not allowed to play a musical instrument in a park in Windsor.